Managing versus Living

What a weird season the world has been in lately. Things just feel different.

I’ve wanted to hide away and get out there, all at the same time.

I’ve wanted to mingle with dear friends and hole up with my little family, all at the same time.

I’ve wanted to bury my head in the sand and fight back, all at the same time.

How about you? How are things going in your corner of the world?

We’ve had a busy summer here so far. All fun things but SO busy. The big kids have church camps coming up, Ellie and Roo are excited to be in a play this summer, we’ve had vacation Bible school and other camps AND are excited about our annual reunion trip with Down syndrome/adoption friends. I’m exhausted just typing that all out!

My mind is thinking ahead to getting school curriculum ordered for this fall and one of the kids even mentioned CHRISTMAS today!!! Hold up and let me survive the summer first! Ha!

I love doing all the things but often I long for simpler times. I feel like I spend all my time managing life.

I started reading a book this week that has been on my list for a while…

HANDS FREE MAMA

Man, talk about convicting! I feel like she is speaking directly to me. I’ve been listening to the book on Hoopla (if you don’t have this app, run…don’t walk and download it!!) so I haven’t underlined any quotes or favorite passages. But this stuck with me…

There is a difference in MANAGING life and LIVING it.

OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!

I feel like I am in constant management mode. I feel like I’m the only one who KNOWS all the things. I manage my own business from home, I work a part-time job for someone else from home, I know when all the things need to happen, I know when things need to be purchased, I know when the bills are due, I know who has to be where and when.

ALL.THE.THINGS.

But the things I do are GOOD.

It’s good when I remember to get my girls to ballet on the right days and at the right times.

It’s good when I remember we need to buy more peanut butter and fruit or that it’s time to swap out the washer and the dryer loads.

It’s good when I remember that I need to pay the car insurance by a certain day so that we still have insurance.

All good things.

But I’m realizing that I am focusing on management instead of life.

I don’t want to leave this earth and my kids talk about me by saying things like…

“Momma was so good at putting together a grocery budget…”

“Momma was so good at posting on social media…”

“Momma did a great job at keeping the laundry caught up…”

Cue the momma tears.

I want them to remember that I was PRESENT.

I want them to remember seeing me without my phone or my iPad in my hands.

I want them to remember me saying YES instead of maybe later.

I want them to remember me looking into their eyes when they spoke to me.

Some days I do really well…there are moments…

I love that all three of my big kids come and sit with me at night and talk about all the random things on their minds.

I love that I’ve created a different relationship with my children than I have with my parents.

I love that my children will remember that Momma always sang and danced at home and made them laugh and that I wasn’t afraid to laugh at myself.

I’m committed to making changes and admitting when I can do better…

I’m committed to spending less time with a phone in my hands and more time holding theirs.

I’m committed to making sure my children have memories of me DOING the things instead of just WATCHING the things.

I’m committed to finding a balance between connection on social media and disconnecting to make my family my top priority.

I’m looking forward to unplugging on an upcoming family trip.

I want to be a better steward of my time when it comes to work so that my children know they come first.

I’ve dabbled some on the Telegram app as a way to step back from Facebook. It feels good…if you miss me on Facebook, you can find me there.

I plan to spend more time here on my blog when I just need an outlet to write and share and talk things through. It won’t matter if anyone ever reads it. It will still have served its purpose.

I want to truly connect with friends and not just through social media. I want to go have coffee face to face. I want to invite a friend to a movie. I want to make that phone call to catch up.

Praying that God opens my eyes to the ways I can take off my management hat and put on my living hat.

I want to have a life WELL LIVED not WELL MANAGED.

I’m guessing you do too.